Z threw up three random gods. Two real, one made up. (Though technically they are all made up or are all real - it depends on you belief system) See if you can spot the imposter.
Zeus
Father of Gods and men. Head of the Greek Pantheon that populates Mount Olympus. He has been played on film by Laurence Olivier, Liam Neeson and numerous other older actors with white beards. If you ask anyone to name a god other than their own they pretty much will always answer Zeus (or Jimi Hendrix or INSERT NAME OF FOOTBALLER HERE). He is usually portrayed as a womanizer, with a short temper, who has a penchant for dishing out godly justice, mostly in the form of thunderbolts, upon those who have offended him. Also, if we are to believe what we see in the movies, he can be tricked into doing just about anything by the fairer sex (I still do not understand how an all-knowing Uber-god can be tricked into doing anything, but then again, what do I know.)
When trying to think of a way to illustrate the true might of Zeus, I remembered the fantastically named track 'The Wrath of Zeus' by The Eternals which appears on the truly magnificent 'Crydamoure Presents Waves' compilation. So click on the link below and we will have a listen while I go through some of the lesser known facts and slightly dodgy things our friend Zeus has done just because he is King of the Gods.
Zeus' father Cronos sired seven children but swallowed all them, except Zeus, moments after they were born. Zeus managed to escape a swallowing because his mother, Gaia, knew of Cronos' liking for baby meat and swapped baby Zeus with a large stone seconds after he popped out. Cronos swallowed the stone thinking that it was his latest child. Upon reaching manhood Zeus forced Cronos to throw up his siblings. Some myths state that he used a large sword to slit Cronos' belly and out rolled his brothers and sisters. Other myths insist he used a strong emetic (possibly a Big Mac) to do the job.
As a punishment for trying to trick the gods into eating the flesh of his butchered son Zeus condemned Tantalus to be tortured for the whole of eternity.
When Zeus discovered that Prometheus had shown mortal man the secret of fire Zeus decided a just and fair punishment for the Fire-giver was to have his liver eaten out by an eagle.
Of all his many sons Zeus was the least proud of Hephaestus. Hephaestus was so ugly Zeus threw him off the top of Mount Olympus.
When Phineas the Seer revealed the secrets of the gods Zeus blinded him and sent the Harpies to plague him as punishment.
The final fact isn't particularly gory but it is a good excuse to show one of Ray Harryhausen's greatest cinematic moments. Enjoy!
Are you ready for more?
Zhang Guo Lao
One of the Eight Immortals of Chinese mythology. He had a fondness for wine and winemaking and simply refused to die. This isn't strictly true. He did die once, whilst travelling to see the Emperor. Many of his followers watched in horror as his body began decomposing and became wormridden. But a few weeks later he reappeared in his home town fit and well.
He has a style of kung fu dedicated to him. Some of the moves include delivering a kick whilst doing a back flip or bending so far backwards your shoulders touch the ground.
He also had a magic donkey. At the end of every journey Zhang Guo Lao would fold up the donkey into a tiny box and place it in his pocket. When he wanted to use it again he would he would fill his mouth full of saliva and dribble over it and the donkey would regain its form.
I couldn't find anything much about origami donkeys but I did find instructions how to make the origami unicorn from Blade Runner. So I made a little film of my endeavors.
Zardoz
The year is AD 2293. The Earth is now a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Living in this wastelands are the 'Brutals'. The 'Brutals' are kept in order by the 'Exterminators'. The 'Exterminators' worship a huge, flying stone head called Zardoz. Here are a few of Zardoz's favourite teachings:
The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was, but the gun shoots death, and purifies the Earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth . . . and kill!You might have guessed that this is the made up god. Zardoz is a 1973 sci-fi fantasy movie by John Boorman. It also stars Sean Connery bare-chested and wearing a red loincloth. It is one of the most insanely awful films I have ever seen but I kinda love it. It makes no sense but looks amazing. If the picture above doesn't convince you then check out the trailer.
That's it for 'Z'. Next, inevitably, is Y.
Can I count on you to be here next time? Hell Yeah!
